so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
