And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
