we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
