Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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