Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
