Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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