You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
