Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
