Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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