something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
