Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
