Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
