It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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