Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
