You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
