So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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