I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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