first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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