I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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