is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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