She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I want is dick and wine.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
