I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
