She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
