My nipple is on Facebook.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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