so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
