I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
