I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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