someone owes me an orgasm
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
