Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
