the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
