I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
