I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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