I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
