i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Enjoy the penises
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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