Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
