So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
