I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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