Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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