Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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