do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
