Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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