we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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