at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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