You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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