go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
