about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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