So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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