Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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