So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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