You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
