I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
