if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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