I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
