why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
