Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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