So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
