I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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