you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
