Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
