Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
