i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Congratulations! We have a period
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
